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The question is why me not you

The cracks are showing

Voyeurism Begins At Home
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Chaps! This is my friends-only journal. I also have a public Wordpress about bipolar disorder over at The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive.

n the beginning...

There was light. On a blustery day in September 1985, my mother, a woman who at the time anesthetised passersby with hair lacquer (that's French for "hairspray") and painted her lips a bright red which emitted a frightening orange glow by the wrong sort of lamps (ones that flashed "Girls" repeatedly), was quite calmly shuffled into a taxi where she lit up a cigerette and proceeded to go into labour. Hallucinating her way through the dizzying lights of Belfast, she stumbled into a hospital and politely waited for a lift to take her to the maternity ward. I, however, nothing but a pissed-off baby understandably jittery in such a small, waterlogged place, couldn't wait to get out and decided to scream my arrival in a lift, much to the surprise of my still-smoking mater who had to suffer the inconvenience of stubbing her fag out before catching me as I tumbled to the floor.

Born a month early, in fact, and still have not reached five foot. We shall blame cigerettes for such a mishap, and cigerettes forever after for every mishap that stalks me like the Benny Hill themetune as I trip and lollop my way through life, apologising profusely as I go.

So now we arrive at this journal, which is rather uninterestingly the chronicle of aforementioned misfortunate events, ranging from the comical to the melancholy and often both at once. You know now about my birth, my grand falling out and since then I have been flailing like a puppet with the strings chopped off. After such an anti-climax, life has continued in much the same vein. I trip over an awful lot. I wear red lipstick and yellow and blue eyeshadow like a smaller, rounder Cyndi Lauper, if somewhat less irritating. I am a huge comedy fan, I worship at the affable altar of Michael Palin (tea and cake provided), and many others. Particular favourites are- well, listed below. I'm a fan of the Situationists (not like I buy t-shirts or flags or anything, I just admire the writings and general idealogy). I am a rather fanatical disciple of The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, Vivian Stanshall, The Divine Comedy, PJ Harvey, Manic Street Preachers and Neil Innes. I am someone who is often mistakenly labelled as "An Angry and Defiant Young Woman". I am rather geeky, I must admit, I have six different emulators because I am too poor to buy the consoles and when I first got them I smashed them up in my youthful exuberance.

People seem to sort of not get the facts, and the facts are:

  • I am a girl

  • I am twenty one years old

  • I really am 4ft 9" tall

  • I am Irish, not British or English

  • I am a raging manic-depressive but still rather sane and nice

  • I am a HUGE fan of Vivian Stanshall

Here! My eyes!

I live in Highbury Park with an array of stuffed animals. I love poetry, books and music, I spend most of my time indulging in isolated pursuits, I write a lot, most of it pretentious, self important nonsense like this. Not poetry so much anymore as every time pen touches paper, my fifteen year old self deigns to reveal herself and starts rhyming "alienation" with "masturbation" and the like.

Of course, I am delicious and decadent also, but tea comes before anything else, remember that. I enjoy nothing more than sitting here, drinking tea and 'aving a fag.

So, welcome. You're in for a mediocre night. Don't blame me.

Should you want to whisper in my ear, go here.

Oh, and guess what-

"I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit."

Friends only. If I like the cut of your jib, I'll add you back. If you post a lot of memes it's probably best not to add me.

(It's conceivable you may know me elsewhere as Banana Woofwoof or Little Miss Clara).

Things I don't like, in an idea nicked from everyone, yes.

unwarranted arrogance, fake hugs, nasty bastards, reality television, zeppetron, unimaginative garage rock, dullards, working in an office, religion in general, the idea that you're not a feminist if you're in love with a man, sectarianism, racism, default sexuality, scientology, people I don't really know touching me, posing bi-sexuals, nme, lazy beliefs, the stigmatism of mental illness, being too warm, people who do quotation marks with their fingers, weak tea

In memory of my daddy, on a beach in Suffolk, 30th June.

And he was.
'avin' a fag, 1920's, 60s comedy, 60s girl groups, a clockwork orange, absolutely, albert camus, an-goth-there-yours-marvellous, anais nin, andy kaufman, andy partridge, anti-mediocrity, armando iannucci, barry booth, barrytipping, bawling oi oi!, being a midget, being analytical, being delirious, being oirish, belle and sebastian, bill bailey, bill hicks, bipolar, biting my toenails, blondie, bonzo dog band, books, chris morris, comedy, crap karaoke covers, dada, dancing like a mong, david bowie, doctor who, dylan moran, eccentricity, eddie izzard, ego warriors, emmy hennings, fanzines, fashion, father ted, fawlty towers, films, george orwell, goldfrapp, guy debord, hair dye, having small hands, hole, hugo ball, jack off jill, jean rhys, joy division, karl marx, kate bush, kenickie, literature, luxembourg, make up, making stupid gifs, manic street preachers, mansun, margaret atwood, marilyn monroe, mccarthy, michael palin, michael palins tan, midget pride, monty python, musicals, narcissism, neil gaiman, neil hannon, neil hannons massive nose, neil innes, nine inch nails, on the hour, one-day-ill-set-myself-on-fire-live-on-totp, oscar wilde, p.g wodehouse, peter cook, philip larkin, philosophy, pink grease, pixies, pj harvey, poetry, pondering upon an elk, pop music, private eye, pronouncing "steak" "st-ach!", rambling anecdotes, revolution, ripping yarns, rob brittons sexy arms, running jokes, saying "bollocks!", saying "oi oi!", saying harlot like harlow, scratching my arse, serge berna, shahrukh khan, shaking that thing yowng, silliness, simone de beauvoir, siouxie sioux, sitting down, situationist international, socialism, sparks, speaking an insular argot, spike milligan, stay beautiful club, stephen fry, stephen frys funny chin, sylvia plath, taking comedy seriously, talking in cat language, tank girl, tea, terry pratchett, the darkness, the day today, the divine comedy, the grimms, the league of gentlemen, the magnetic fields, the pixies, the rutles, the scaffold, the smiths, the vichy government, the young ones, theatrical make up, they might be giants, this and that, urban spacemen, ute lemper, vanity, victor lewis-smith, victoria wood, virginia woolf, vivian stanshall, watching the moon set, withnail and i, writing, xtc, yann tiersan